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Dating a young divorced guy

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During the relationship he may run into old friends who ask about his divorce and his ex-wife, so mentally prepare yourself for that.

Don’t get insecure, angry, or sad every time you hear her name.

Why would I want a bitter victim of divorce when there are so many fresh-faced bachelors with whom to build a life from scratch? You introduce them to music, books or political ideas they've never heard of, and their eyes twinkle like lightning bug butts.

They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.

They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.

This is important in determining whether or not you’re willing to go through with the relationship.

However, a divorced man can’t just erase his ex-wife from his memory and his life.