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In some families, the invalidation becomes extreme, leading to physical abuse and even murder.

However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle and confusing.” This post will discuss two aspects of invalidation that Dr. The first involves the relationship between the concept of invalidation and a similar concept from family systems pioneer Paul Watzlawick that he called . When I first read Linehan, I thought of a similar concept that I had read about in a classic book in family systems theory by Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson first published way back in 1967 called .

This may be done by denying, minimizing, ridiculing, ignoring, or judging the other’s feelings or perceptions.

Regardless of the means, the effect is clear: the other person’s feelings are judged as “unimportant” or “wrong.” Invalidation can take many forms.

It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions and emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, and wrong, wrong, wrong.

Validation occurs when we help our spouse feel unconditionally accepted.

While the answers to that question are many and often complex, there is a growing body of research suggesting that there are four negative risk factors- four negative behavior patterns that create barriers in a marriage and increase a couple’s chances for marital failure.

In one key studiy, researchers followed a sample of 135 couples for twelve years, starting before they were married, and were able to differentiate those couples who do well from those who do not, with up to 91% accuracy.* My experience of working with thousands of couples over the past seventeen years is definitely congruent with these findings.

One person expresses their perceptions and or feelings, and the other responds like this: —————————————————- “I’m upset about you being so late to pick me up.” “Oh chill out, there’s nothing to get all upset about.” —————————————————– “My dog died and I feel very upset about it.” “It’s just an animal, get over it!

” —————————————————– “I don’t like it when you tease me like that.” “I’m only kidding.